I Remember You

May 10th, 1997. 16 years ago today. The worst day of my life. I remember every detail of the day so vividly. I remember getting to Grandmas house, and setting up for the yard sale. I remember Aunt Christie giving me a Backstreet Boys cassette tape. I remember holding your little hands as I walked you and Rachel down to the bridge to look at the creek. You were both just barely 2 years old. I remember standing on the bridge as we watched the water speeding past. Spring run off had made that creek a sinister rush of water.  I remember taking the little dirt path that winds through the trees back up to the house. I remember leaving you in the living room to play with toys. I remember walking outside to join in the yard sale.

I remember Christie screaming "Where's Hagan". But I'd just left you. You and Rachel were in the living room playing with toys. But you weren't. You'd gotten out of the house. I'm still not sure how. I remember panic. Fear. Everyone running around screaming out your name. Christie who was 3 months pregnant getting into the creek to look for you. I remember being confused. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to help. I remember the phone calls. One to your parents who I believe were at work. The other to the police. I remember Guilt.

I remember walking across the street to the church. Sitting on the lawn. Crying. Praying. Waiting. Crying. This was more than my 13 year old mind and heart could comprehend. I don't know how much time passed while I sat on that lawn. I heard the loud whir of helicopter blades spinning just a half a block away. I looked up from my hands to see the helicopter lift off the ground, then it was gone. I remember Hope.

I remember watching the news that night. Seeing my family in tears as they talked about the horrible events of the day. Seeing a picture of your beautiful little face as they talked about a boy. A sweet little boy who fell in the creek. About you. I remember my friends coming over to watch, trying to comfort me as I cried.

I remember seeing you for the first time after the accident. I remember heartbreak. Seeing all those tubes. I remember months of sorrow and realization. Realization that you would never walk again, or talk again. That you would never run again.

I remember when that light came back into your eyes. You'd gone away for awhile, but you were back. You couldn't talk to us to tell us about what you'd seen while you were away, but we knew. God had kept you here for a reason. I remember family and friends joining together in support. I remember Love.

I remember that smile.

August 19th 2005. I remember the morning my mom called to tell me you had left us. I cried, but I felt peace. You were where you were supposed to be. You'd been strong for 8 years. It was time for you to run again.

I remember you.

Run, Hagan, Run