Worth So Much More

 Warning - Angry Douche-Hating Rant below followed by some hopefully decent advice. :)

I wonder where I'd be now if I'd never given you a second chance, or a third, or a fourth. Would I be a different person? Would I stop feeling so f#*%ed up so much of the time? I think back to who I was back then, compared to who I am now. I tried to hide those memories under a rug a long time ago, but now someone is there lifting up that rug and asking me to relive all those moments of my past that I never wanted to bring to the light again. Well they're back in the light, and I guess that means I should deal with them. But I also think I have some knowledge that I could share for those young girls who may someday be faced with a similar situation as mine.

I'm the kind of person who can find the best in anyone - Literally anyone - even the people that no one else can see an ounce of good in. I know it's there somewhere, and I know they've got to be going through something of their own to make them act out the way they do. I've always been that person who will give anyone a chance, because I feel like we all deserve that. But the problem comes from giving someone too many chances. That has been my problem for so many years, I gave these people so many chances to be better, to treat me better. I gave you so many chances. In the end, after about 6 chances (no joke), you finally treated me with a small ounce of respect. Honestly, I believe if I hadn't had years of you coming in and out of my life (and making me feel like crap every time) I would have been able to see more clearly. I would be able to see that even in the end you still didn't give me the respect I truly deserved. Sure you treated me better than you had years before, but it wasn't enough.

Ever heard anyone say "Girls like bad boys". It's a sad true fact in a lot of us girls. We fall for these bad boys and then wonder why we get hurt. There's nothing wrong with liking boys with tattoos, piercings, a bullet bike, or any of the other cliche 'bad boy' stereotypes. There is however something seriously wrong with liking boys who call us horrible names, make us do things against our will, and make us feel anything other than respected (the list can go on and on).

So below are a list of rules (based on past experiences of my own) that hopefully you young girls can learn from -

Rule #1 - If a guy calls you Any name that doesn't make you feel respected- Walk Away!! Don't give him another chance.

Rule #2 - If a guy Ever grabs your hand and makes you put it somewhere you don't want to put it - Deck him - HARD - preferably in the throat., and Don't give him another chance.

Rule #3 - If a guy pins you down, grabs your wrist to keep you from leaving, or does anything to make you feel trapped - You fight with every ounce you have in you because his intentions aren't good. And Definitely Don't give him another chance!!

Rule #4 - 

I know so many beautiful young girls who have let the world and men tell them they're not good enough. We start to believe these lies - We're not skinny enough - We're too skinny - We're not tan enough - We're too tan - We don't have perfect skin - We're not girly enough - We're too high maintenance - Our lips aren't pouty enough - We're too tall - We're too short - We're prudes - We're sluts - Our boobs aren't perky enough or big enough or whatever- The list goes on and on, and honestly it's just Too Much!!! 

I just want you girls to know - You are Beautiful!!! Don't let anyone tell you different. Just remember to be Your Own Beautiful, and not someone else' idea of beautiful! Remember that You are worth so much more than wasting every second of your life trying to live up to someone else' standards.

I just have to say before I finish, that I know plenty of men/boys who have been victim to the same things listed above. I hope you know you don't deserve that kind of abuse either - The golden rule really is the most simple, obvious rule for any person.

I am who I am today because of where I've been, and overall I'm happy with me! I'm happy with the woman I've grown into. But sometimes I think life may have been easier if I'd never let you treat me like an object. If I'd believed back then that I was worthy of so much more! I'm learning still to stand and speak up for myself. Although I still have a ways to go at least I know - I AM WORTH SO MUCH MORE!!!! And nothing anyone can do can take that away from me!